A Quick Check-In

Happy Easter my friends!

Good things are going on in my life and I have so much I want to write about right now.  I just don’t have time right now to do any of it justice, so the more detailed posts will have to wait.  Here’s some of what has been going on:

• My dairy-free diet, although not yet perfect, is coming along quite well and I am seeing many positive changes in my health and happiness.  I plan to continue this well beyond the four months suggested by my Dr. and will be adding other healthy eating habits as well.
• I was spiritually fed by the recent General Conference of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.  I felt like so many of the talks were given for my benefit and that I can incorporate so much from what I have learned.  I’m looking forward to re-watching and reading them over and over.
• I’ve been able to be more active lately.  Although I still have flares from the Fibromyalgia, I’m learning how to read my body and adjust my activity to minimize the issues that arrive from the flare.  It gives me great hope for additional improvement as I continue to learn.
• I’ve been making some strides with my personal budget management and debt reduction plan and it is SO LIBERATING!  Debt really is bondage and I’m so hopeful that I can overcome my bad decisions of the past.

and OH SO MUCH MORE.  Hopefully I’ll have some time in the near future to share more.

Have a great day!

Dairy is NOT my Friend

Wow….I’ve not posted in a long time.  Sorry for the radio silence.

I recently found out I have a food sensitivity to ……  DAIRY!  UGH!  No more cheese for me.  No more ice cream.  It wouldn’t be so bad if that was all, but seriously, dairy is in E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.!  Some fast food places have dairy by-products on their french fries.  Caramel coloring is made a couple of different ways, one of which uses dairy.

Let’s just say the past three weeks have been…..interesting.  I’ve tried very hard to stick to my dairy-free regimen.  I haven’t been perfect.  I’ve also been pushing vegetables.  And… 21 days later I can honestly say that I can’t see my future without a daily green smoothie.  I LOVE them.  A particular recent favorite is spinach, basil, orange, (and I put a banana in every one to help with the texture).

You have to know that I really really REALLY loved dairy.  I ate a lot of cheese and ate a lot of ice cream.  I also ate a lot of the packaged/processed foods that contain a lot of the dairy derivatives.  I can honestly say that so much has improved with this change that I don’t think I’ll ever care if I eat any dairy ever again in my life.

I’m sleeping better.  My moods have improved exponentially.  My energy levels are better.  Best of all my ability to tolerate exercise is improving.  I still have issues if I push things too hard, but even when I do the recovery time is much less than it has been for several year.

I see a light at the end of the tunnel.  I’m pretty sure it’s not a train.    I’m doing my happy dance!

Challenges and Rewards

Are you goal setters? I try to be. Throughout all my years of trying to lose weight, I’ve used setting goals, joining competition, etc. as a way to help myself be accountable–a way to keep my desired outcome in the forefront of my mind.  I like a good challenge.

I’ve decided not to wait for January 1 to set a New Years resolution.  Beginning today I commit to exercising 6 days a week, improving my eating habits, and putting my health first on my list of priorities.  I know it will be a work in progress, but my intent is to see marked improvement weekly.

Because I tend to do better when I have something I’m striving for, I’ve decided to set up a reward for myself.  Yes, I know.  Getting healthy is reward enough, but on those days when I really want to eat a whole pumpkin pie or when the fibromyalgia is raging and I’m so exhausted that getting out of bed is a chore, I need something extraneous to get me through.  Normally I would just set a goal of something like “I want to lose 4 pounds a week.”  I’ve decided that setting a specific weekly goal is probably not in my best interest.  I know from previous attempts that counting calories and knowing how many I burn usually can accurately predict what my weekly outcome will be….if I look at it over time.  However, I have proven time and time again that a 16 pound weight loss over 4 weeks will not present itself as 4 pounds per week—even if that is what all of the number say.  Week one might be 8 pounds with week 2 being only 1 and so on.  So….I’m leaving those numbers to do what they may.  While I may have a goal of losing 60 pounds over the next 90 days I will measure my success in the following ways:

1. Did I log my food and stay within the 1500 calorie range?
2. Did I drink my Shakeology?
3. Did I do my scheduled Turbo Fire exercise?
4. Did I get adequate sleep?
5. Did I interact with my accountability group on facebook?
6. Was I kind to myself?

If I can make it through the next 90 days honestly feeling like I could answer that I did my very best to do those things listed above, I’ve arranged a little reward for myself. 🙂 Exciting!

I’m not sure if any of you know that I LOVE piano music.  I could listen to Jim Brickman, David Nevue, George Winston, John Schmidt, and Paul Cardall all day, every day.  There is just something about listening to piano music that soothes my soul and reminds me that there is God and beauty in everything.

Well, Jim Brickman is coming to Logan in February—a few weeks after the end of my 90 day goal.  I was going to purchase a couple of tickets and invite a friend when it struck me..this should be my reward.  So, instead of purchasing two, lower cost tickets, I purchased a box seat.  Just one.  And….If I meet my goals, I will take myself to a fabulous concert.  If I don’t, I will be giving that ticket away.  Hopefully someone else out there won’t mind going to a concert alone (although that won’t really be necessary as I will be going to that concert—because I’m totally going to rock these goals).

As a side note, how ironic is it that I will be going to a concert titled “An evening of romance” all by myself?  It sort of makes me smile. 🙂  I don’t really mind going to things like concerts or movies or out to eat alone.  I also think it is a bit symbolic.  It has been a really long time since I’ve allowed myself to entertain thoughts of dating or being in a relationship.  I think that my weight has been one of those things I’ve used to protect myself from repeating mistakes and bad choices in that arena.  I mean, I’m not really going to mess things up, get in abusive relationships, or choose the wrong guy if I never date, right?  And I’m so much less likely to date if I make myself as unattractive as possible, right? (100’s of posts I don’t really want to write lurking in here).  However, I’ve decided it’s time to get over myself and open up to the possibility of ….. more.  Perhaps this will be just the stepping stone to get me moving in that direction.

Discouraged!

I’m discouraged today friends.  I don’t want to be whiney or prattle on with all the reasons (which just sound like excuses to me) for my current state of discouragement, but I’m going to.

I felt really good yesterday.  I pushed myself to do more with my exercise. It wasn’t easy in the moment.  I was very aware of my size and my limitations.  I’m not usually one who shy’s away from working out in a group because I’m not Barbie-doll skinny or not able to keep up with the choreography.  I just do the best I can and anyone who doesn’t like it can look elsewhere or leave.  They don’t get to choose whether or not I participate.

Last night was different.  Last night it felt like I was the star in the Fat Girl Follies. So in addition to not being able to keep up and being very aware of how much ground I’ve lost in my abilities over the past three years, I’m fighting the added mental fatigue that goes along with feeling like a walking joke—like I don’t and I can’t . . . everything.

To top it off, I woke up feeling like I had been hit by a train and knowing that this kind of soreness is not the kind of soreness that I used to have after a workout—my body has changed.  Whether age or fibromyalgia or a combination of both, my body responds differently now than it ever has before to everything physical I do, and it makes me so sad.

What I now need to do is realize what my limits are and live right at that precipice until it changes (and it will—I have hope that it will).  I need to be consistent in doing just as much exercise as I am able—every day—but not going over that limit so that I am able to do it again the next day.  If I do that, the fatigue I feel won’t be more than I can handle and it is more important that I have shorter, maybe less intense, CONSISTENT exercise than that I overdo it and am only able to exercise every 10 days because I feel so sick in the interim.

As much as I may want to or feel like there is no other choice than to sit in the corner and cry while eating an entire jar of peanut butter and watching reruns of The Biggest Loser, I need to pick myself up and realize that while things are not what they used to be, they are what they are, and I have the power to be my best self within these parameters.  Perhaps if I do that, the parameters will adjust and eventually the Teresa I see in my mind will actually be the Teresa of reality.  Today, reality bites!

Overkill….but I LOVE it!

If a little is good, a lot is better! Right?  Well, not necessarily, but in some cases…

I’ve decided that I need constant reminders that one of my goals is to lose weight.  I need the encouragement of others.  I need to be reminded daily of what other people are doing to be successful.  I need accountability somewhere each week.  So, I’ve gone and joined two weight loss challenges and one facebook workout group.

Here’s what I’m up to:

• The Evolve-SLC weight loss challenge:  This is a weight loss challenge headed up by my good friend Blake.  My two favorite work out buddies, Josh and Karen (more about them in a future post) joined me in this endeavor.  We started on September 10th (yes–one month down already) and have six weeks left to go.  There is a $1K prize for the highest percent of weight loss.  So far….I haven’t done the best, but it has kept me thoughtful about what is going on and I’m kicking things into high gear this week.
• The Logan Weight Loss Challenge: This challenge was started by my friend Jenn and her friend Krista.  Every participant chipped in $20 bucks and the person with the highest percent of weight loss after 10 weeks walks away with all the cash.  We are currently in the middle of week 3.  So far…a struggle, but I’m feeling inspired and have been so grateful for the public accountability of a weekly in-person weigh in.
• And…I’m participating with a group on a P-90X challenge on facebook.  I haven’t met any of these people in person, but have benefited from their encouragement and positivity.  Week one was very difficult for me.  Today starts week two and I’m tempted to start my workouts over as if this was week one.

My overall goal is not to “win” anything except my life and own good opinion of myself back.  Between these three groups I will have had some sort of outside accountability and encouragement for the last four months of the year.  I started September at 323 pounds.  My goal is to make it lower than 290 by the end of the year.  It is a pretty tame goal, but in light of how difficulty the addition of fibromyalgia (I’m hoping to post soon about the effects of fibro on my workouts) has made my exercise attempts I feel it is probably a more aggressive goal than it seems, but yet very doable.

So, thanks to my friends and these programs for helping me keep my goals at the forefront.  I’ll keep you posted on my progress.