Category Archives: Teresa

I'm on the move . . .

Hi all!  I know, long-time/no-write.  It has been a crazy, hectic, beautiful summer.  I have loved this blog.  Initially it was set up as a place for Karen, Margie, and I to support each other in our weight loss endeavors.  And, for a while it did just that.  However, we are three busy chicks, and while I will still be back here on occasion to post–particularly if Karen and Margie jump back in the mix–you can find me here now.




Just Be….

Sometime I get caught up in plans, planning, longing, and yearning for what I want to be, who I want to be, and who I know I am meant to be.  I’m a great planner.  I make lists.  I write appointments to exercise in my calendar. I buy groceries with every intent of eating right.  I sign up for races I don’t complete.  I sign up for classes I don’t finish. But somehow the best laid plans end up being nothing more than big sticks to beat myself with.

Does anyone else do that?  Am I alone?

Why isn’t it as simple as determining “this” is who I want to be/how I want to act/the best way to live my life in order to accomplish my purpose and then putting it into practice?  Why must I get mired down in all this other crap?  Do I expect more than is realistic and that is why I am thwarted? Am I just lazy?

How to move from being a planner to a doer?  Any insights?

Another Finale

So…..big night tonight for Biggest Loser Fans.  Any predictions?  I must say, I would like for Irene to win.

AND…. my friend Danielle–who lost a bunch of weight all on her own, right here in little old Logan–will be in the studio audience.  I’ll probably be watching for her more than I’ll be watching the show.


A Temporary Farewell

Dear Friends,

Things have been crazy busy for me lately.  Work is really busy right now and I’ve spent a lot of time recently evaluating how I spend my time.  I feel rushed every day to get done all of the things I want to do and all of the things I need to do.  There are so many people I want and need to nurture relationships with.  There is so much that I want and need to do regarding my health and fitness.  There are so many things that I want and need to do when it comes to maintaining my home and garden. I enjoy my interactions with friends and family on social networking sites.  I like my television shows.  I enjoy the time I spend here–thinking and writing about getting healthy and nurturing the friendships I have with those of you I don’t get to see in my every day life.

All good things.  All things that are important to me.  But…..I’m at the point where I have to make a choice between good, better, and best.  I’m reminded something Elder Dallan H. Oakes once said in a conference talk.  He said, “We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.”

I’m taking a step back from blogging and social networking and about 90% of my tv viewing to make time for the things that are a little higher up on the priority list.  I hope you each know that I have appreciated your support SO MUCH!  I hope to be back here posting again, but for at least six weeks I’ll be testing the waters to see how much more I can accomplish if I center my focus just on the handful of things at the top of my list.



An Appointment for Fitness

Doing this fitness thing can be daunting and uncomfortable at times.  Who am I kidding?  Sometimes it is just down right hard and discouraging.  I have found that since I shared my desire to complete one 5K per month throughout the next several months with one friend and then another, my excitement to complete the task has grown.  It has helped so much to have the support of friends and knowing that they are rooting for me and wanting to help me accomplish this goal by walking/running with me is making all the difference!

Karen and I have been talking and we want to start a Saturday morning walking/running/hiking group.  We know how hard it is to do this fitness thing on your own.  Sometimes when you feel fat and/or out of shape it helps to have someone to meet, someone to workout with, someone to be accountable with–an appointment for fitness!

So–anyone local who would like to join us for a walk on Saturday mornings should let one of us know and we’ll get you the details regarding when and where we will be meeting.

Here are some highlights:

  • Starting this Saturday, April 16th
  • All walks will start at 6:30 a.m. so those with other early obligations can meet them
  • All fitness levels are welcome.  Walk/run at your own pace.  Walk for as long/far as you want.  This is simply a starting place and time to help motivate us to get out of bed and get out there and move our buns!
  • It will be at the same time/place for at least the first several weeks so there will never be a question as to where and when.  Some weeks there may only be one or two people there.  Most weeks we hope there will be several!

Hope to see you on Saturday’s this summer!  🙂

Oops I Did It Again….

well….I didn’t think I would ever audition for The Biggest Loser again, but I did.  My friend, Jodi, and I went down to the open casting call in Salt Lake City a few weeks back.  It was definitely a different experience from last July.

This time, the call was held in the Maverick Center.  They were in between ice hockey games at the arena so the ice was all prepped and ready for that evening’s game and it was C.O.L.D. up in there!  BRRRRR.  My buns are still a little frost bitten.

Last time I auditioned I was the fortunate recipient of a VIP pass–that I never had to use because there wasn’t even a line.  This time, no VIP pass and the numbers we were assigned when we arrived were 474 and 475.  I don’t recall exactly what numbers they were calling in at the time, but we were a long ways down the list.  I wasn’t too discouraged, however, because they seemed to be moving right along and there were some nice people around to talk to.

Unfortunately about 3 hours into our wait in line, the movement on our end of the arena stopped completely and the VIPs seated in the next section started pouring in.  We sat almost two hours before people from the non-VIP section were called to be interviewed.  Oh how I wished I had the coveted VIP this go around. 🙂

The interviewer we sat with this time was cute and bubbly.  She talked to us about the importance of not taking too much time with our answers or there wouldn’t be enough time for everyone to answer, and then we were off–rapid fire questions and equally as rapid answers.  At one point the casting director asked if anyone came with a partner.  Jodi and I spoke up and she light up like a light bulb–until she found out we weren’t related and then it was back to business as usual.

Looking back on this experience I can see a lot of things that I should/could have done differently.  But….it was a fun day and it is always fun to hang with Jodi. We went in on a video camera together so we could make a home tape.  I encouraged her to see if she could talk a sibling into sending in a tape with her because I think she would have a better shot with that.

At a certain point, I was unsure about sending a video in.  I mean–that’s a lot of time and effort to put into something that won’t likely work out and that even if it did would bring a whole new host of decisions that would be difficult (can I afford to chance losing my job? can I take the scrutiny from family, friends, and the general public that will come along with such an opportunity? am I really strong enough to do this?).  But, I decided that it is best to finish what I start so I threw my whole energy into it.  Was my tape great?  Probably not. But it was me and I had a good time putting it together.

The hard thing about going through this process (which is also one of the good things about going through the process) is that it really makes me think of why I want to lose weight, how I ended up here, what I really want out of life, what I’m really capable of doing.  That kind of self-introspection often leaves me tired and feeling completely overwhelmed about the situation and trapped.

The past weeks have been a struggle with that.  Then, this week a whole boat load of the current season BL cast was at Golden Corral for a meet and greet.  I wasn’t able to go, but there has a been a “Biggest Loser” buzz in the air in Cache Valley this week.  I heard on the radio that Rulon’s gym is doing a 12-week boot camp that starts on Monday.  I called and got all of the info about it.  Unfortunately, I just can’t justify the cost.  I don’t know how I would pay for it.

But it has me thinking…..I’ve been seriously working on losing weight for the past 5 years.  I know what to do.  I have a lot of resources available that won’t cost me a lot more (if any more) than just my current (fairly inexpensive) gym membership.  I am strong and capable.  I can do this!  I can do this!!

Conflicting Emotions

I don’t even know where to start.  Today has been the best day!  Today has been the worst day!  I want to laugh and smile.  I want to cry.  I want to eat.

What I really want is to be able to express what I’m feeling in a way that really gets my point across.  I hope I can do justice to the thoughts I’m having right now.

Guess what?  I did a 5K today. Yup.  3.1 miles.  In approximately 54 minutes.  I walked the entire course.  YIPEE!!!!!  And, it wasn’t just any 5k, it was a fundraiser for a baby  whose family I know.  Baby Mason was born with a congenital heart defect called hypo-plastic left heart syndrome.  He has already had two surgeries and will need at least one more–and will likely need a heart transplant at some point.  There were a lot of people from my home town there and it was so nice to see them and get to interact with so many people I love–but so sad to think of everything this little family is going through right now.

AND my friend Kellie, who is so super supportive of anything I want to do to improve my situation, walked with me.  We have set a goal to do one 5K a month through the summer and are looking forward to seeing our improvements.  Thanks, Kellie!

So, here’s the sad part.  When we finished, I was pretty happy with myself.  I walked.  The time was only 54 minutes. But, considering that I haven’t been working out much lately, I felt pretty good about the whole darn thing.   Until I saw this …..

and my “YIPEE!” turned into  a great big “I AM GINORMOUS!”  Seriously.  All of the pride and joy I felt at this accomplishment (which for me was really an accomplishment) suddenly disappeared in the shadow of every bad thought I have about myself related to my weight.  I wanted to cry.  And hide.  Instead, I went to the Maverick to get something to eat (old habits die hard).

The saddest thing of all is what I witnessed at the Maverick.  A woman was working behind the counter.  She was talking to a nice looking, fit gentleman while she was ringing up her customers and they were having quite an intense conversation.  I came in on the middle of it, so I wasn’t quite sure of the conversation’s context.  I heard her say things like, “I just want to be in a room by myself.”  “I don’t want to have to interact with anyone.”  “I don’t want to talk to anyone or be engaged in any kind of conversation.”  “I just want to be able to do my thing and be invisible.”  I wasn’t sure what they were talking about at this point, but I was making a mental note to not make eye contact with the cashier because she didn’t want to be engaged in conversation.

Then the conversation turned and I realized that the man was telling the woman that he would help her at the gym.  He told her that if she was willing to make the effort to go to the gym, he would be there to help her–show her what to do and how to work the equipment and what not.  An older woman ahead of me in line jumped in to the conversation and told the man, “It’s a woman thing, dear.  Women don’t like to do unladylike things–like sweating–in public.”

It was a really uncomfortable conversation to witness.    And that’s when it happened.  The woman said, “No, it’s because I am 35 years old and a complete fat a$$.”  Just as she said those last two words, we made eye contact and I started to cry while shaking my head and saying “NO.  No you are not!”  (I’m crying again now as I write this.)  I stepped up to the counter and said, “I know how you feel.  I just finished a 5K and am having a hard time being proud of that achievement because it is overshadowed by how fat I am.”  She brightened up a bit and said, “How did you ever do that?”  I asked her to come to the gym with me.  I told her it really isn’t as bad as she is imaging.  That the people at my gym are really nice and super supportive. But….she just moved the line along.  Oh, how my heart broke for her and for me and for every other person out there who has ever felt the shame of being fat.

Why are we so mean to ourselves? Why do we let how we look or this one area of our lives where we struggle define us?  I think in a lot of cases, our negative feelings and low self worth are not a result/symptom of being fat, but that  having feelings of low self worth is what caused us to get fat in the first place.  Add to that the times where people have confirmed our low feelings about our weight (I’ve been mooed at by a group of college kids, had a child yell loudly, “Oh my God she is FAT,” etc.) and it is a wonder that this is the first time I’ve seen a grown woman declare in public that she is fat and doesn’t like herself.

It makes me sad, people.  It has to change.  I can’t change the woman at the store.  But I can change me.  I’m proud of what I did today and I’ll be yelling WAHOO! at the top of my lunges until I can no longer here the negative thoughts.


Bit by Bit

I have to be honest.  The past several months years have been frustrating for me on the weight loss, fitness, health arena.  Two years ago this past November I was at my lowest weight (247) in more than a decade.  I was working out two times per day and feeling pretty good about the food I was eating and where I was headed.  Then the floor fell out from beneath me.  I got a cold that lasted weeks (literally).  I didn’t feel well which led to a complete cessation of exercise (my first mistake) and comfort eating (my second mistake).

Since then I’ve tried several times to get back to where I was before.  It has been frustrating.  But I’ve had a breakthrough of sorts recently.  I was trying to get back to that place by trying to be perfect at everything/do everything all at once.  I’m realizing that I need to one thing at a time.  It is ok to ease back into things.

And…..I am happy to report that baby step number 1: Sleep, is improving by leaps and bounds.  I have moved into the guest room which provides a firmer mattress AND a darker room.  I didn’t bring along any distractions–like my radio or books.  When I go in there it is for one reason–to sleep.  I’ve been playing with the dosage for the sleep aids the Dr. prescribed and seem to have hit the sweet spot–able to fall asleep relatively quickly but not waking up groggy.  Last night I slept 6.5 hours with my c-pap on and without any disruptions that I can remember.  If I can continue to do that for the next several week, I’ll be well on my way to feeling better and being able to put more energy into working out.  YAY!

So my main focus for the remainder of the week will be getting sufficient restful sleep.  I’m eating better than normal.  And, if I can work in a couple of evening of moderate exercise I will be elated!  WAAAAHOOOO!

I'm Feeling Good From My Head to My Shoes….

{sing it people}  🙂  Lalalala

Yes, that is basically my way of saying I have a new attitude (thank you Pointer Sisters).

I had a great day today.  I’m reminded that I’m a Child of God (we all are) and that with Him all things are possible.  I’m filled with H.O.P.E.!

This is going to be a GREAT week!


February: A Month In Review

Hello friends.  It’s been a while.  Too long!  I’ve missed you!  I’m wondering how February treated each of you.  February is kind of a hard month for me.  It’s still cold out and there are frequent winter storms to deal with.  I’ve shoveled more snow in the past 30 days than I care to remember.   The post-holiday blah’s have usually really set in for me by February.  Thankfully, February is a short month.

It was my intent to liven February up with a fun post-per-day driven by the letters of the Alphabet but only made it to D.  While it is sad that I didn’t make it at least to F so we could have the fun post I had planned on “failure” I still have time and can recite the alphabet as slowly as I want, so all is not lost.  It may take me until next February, but I will finish reciting the Alphabet.  🙂

I worked with a personal trainer/nutritionist for January and February and learned some very important lessons related to my relationship with food.  It was a struggle.  I have a lot of emotional attachment to food and some ideas about who I am as a person (or who I fear I might be or might not be) and I’ve used (or misused) food as a means of dealing with (or not dealing with) those issues.  Knowledge is power and in that realm I have gained a lot.

I struggled with some health issues.  I’ve seen doctors.  I’ve had blood tests.  When it is all said and done I’m not a whole lot farther down the road in knowing how to help me feel better.  I am, however, paying Dr. bills out the waaaaazoo, so that is no fun.  In a lot of ways it has been good to go through this.  I’m a lot more appreciative of good health, and as far as the money goes I’m realizing that it is worth it to invest in preventative care and things like maintaining health and fitness because you will pay one way or the other.  I know in the future I would much rather “invest” in my health and wellness than pay for countless Dr. bills and tests (although I’m very grateful for knowledgeable doctors and the amazing gift of modern medicine).

A particular issue for the month has revolved around sleep.  As you know I had a couple of sleep studies done in December and was diagnosed with Obstructive Sleep Apnea.  Learning to wear the mask at night has been a trial.  One I have not yet conquered.  But, I have learned that with or without the c-pap intervention I have really fractured sleep.  Most nights I get an average of 3.5 hours of sleep—even though I may be in bed for 8+ hours.  The sleep studies showed very little time in REM sleep—like a little more than an hour—and from what I understand that is pretty important.  So, it has been a month of trial and error with the c-pap, with figuring out which of my beds works best—or if I need to buy a new mattress, and what circumstances and habits need to be present in order to maximize my rest.  I’ve learned that I don’t have much tolerance for sleeping pills or drugs of that nature.  I’ve learned a lot and had a pretty good night last night, which has resulted in a much better day so far than usual.  My mind is clear.  I feel happy.  I know I’ll get this figured out sooner than later.

Along the lines of preventative care and food issues, I’ve been thinking a lot about the choices I make and the foods I choose to consume.  I’m working towards a diet with more whole foods, less meat and dairy (although I don’t think at this point I can go without them all together), and trying to be conscious of everything I eat (how I feel when I want to eat, etc.).  I’m not perfect yet.  But I am doing better every day.  My trainer was helping with this, but unfortunately I have to take a month or two break while I pay the medical bills off.  Luckily, I can see that even though I didn’t think I had progressed much, I’ve made some real strides in developing healthy habits.  I am hopeful I can resume training soon.

Well, my friends.  I hope February was kind to you.  I hope that March bring health and happiness to us all.