Category Archives: inspiration

Oops I Did It Again….

well….I didn’t think I would ever audition for The Biggest Loser again, but I did.  My friend, Jodi, and I went down to the open casting call in Salt Lake City a few weeks back.  It was definitely a different experience from last July.

This time, the call was held in the Maverick Center.  They were in between ice hockey games at the arena so the ice was all prepped and ready for that evening’s game and it was C.O.L.D. up in there!  BRRRRR.  My buns are still a little frost bitten.

Last time I auditioned I was the fortunate recipient of a VIP pass–that I never had to use because there wasn’t even a line.  This time, no VIP pass and the numbers we were assigned when we arrived were 474 and 475.  I don’t recall exactly what numbers they were calling in at the time, but we were a long ways down the list.  I wasn’t too discouraged, however, because they seemed to be moving right along and there were some nice people around to talk to.

Unfortunately about 3 hours into our wait in line, the movement on our end of the arena stopped completely and the VIPs seated in the next section started pouring in.  We sat almost two hours before people from the non-VIP section were called to be interviewed.  Oh how I wished I had the coveted VIP this go around. 🙂

The interviewer we sat with this time was cute and bubbly.  She talked to us about the importance of not taking too much time with our answers or there wouldn’t be enough time for everyone to answer, and then we were off–rapid fire questions and equally as rapid answers.  At one point the casting director asked if anyone came with a partner.  Jodi and I spoke up and she light up like a light bulb–until she found out we weren’t related and then it was back to business as usual.

Looking back on this experience I can see a lot of things that I should/could have done differently.  But….it was a fun day and it is always fun to hang with Jodi. We went in on a video camera together so we could make a home tape.  I encouraged her to see if she could talk a sibling into sending in a tape with her because I think she would have a better shot with that.

At a certain point, I was unsure about sending a video in.  I mean–that’s a lot of time and effort to put into something that won’t likely work out and that even if it did would bring a whole new host of decisions that would be difficult (can I afford to chance losing my job? can I take the scrutiny from family, friends, and the general public that will come along with such an opportunity? am I really strong enough to do this?).  But, I decided that it is best to finish what I start so I threw my whole energy into it.  Was my tape great?  Probably not. But it was me and I had a good time putting it together.

The hard thing about going through this process (which is also one of the good things about going through the process) is that it really makes me think of why I want to lose weight, how I ended up here, what I really want out of life, what I’m really capable of doing.  That kind of self-introspection often leaves me tired and feeling completely overwhelmed about the situation and trapped.

The past weeks have been a struggle with that.  Then, this week a whole boat load of the current season BL cast was at Golden Corral for a meet and greet.  I wasn’t able to go, but there has a been a “Biggest Loser” buzz in the air in Cache Valley this week.  I heard on the radio that Rulon’s gym is doing a 12-week boot camp that starts on Monday.  I called and got all of the info about it.  Unfortunately, I just can’t justify the cost.  I don’t know how I would pay for it.

But it has me thinking…..I’ve been seriously working on losing weight for the past 5 years.  I know what to do.  I have a lot of resources available that won’t cost me a lot more (if any more) than just my current (fairly inexpensive) gym membership.  I am strong and capable.  I can do this!  I can do this!!


Choice and Accountability

Since I was a child I’ve been taught about the importance of choice and accountability.  My parents, church leaders, and teachers frequently spoke of the importance of making good choices, the responsibilities that accompany the right to choose and the consequences that we must live with once a choice is made.

For those of you who may not know, I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (Mormon).  Our Prophet, President Monson, recently spoke the priesthood holders of our church regarding the Three  R’s of Responsibility —outlining that we essentially have the right to choose, which comes with the responsibility to choose wisely, and ultimately we must live with the results of our choices.

This talk has been the impetus for a lot of thought on my part lately as it relates to the choices that I make in the arena of my own health and physical well being.  When you think about it, it really does come down to choice.  Yes, there are some things that are out of our control that we have no choice about.  Sometimes an illness is present and we need to learn to deal with the challenges it presents.  We don’t have a choice as to whether we have the illness or not in many cases, but we do have choices within those circumstances.  We may have work or civic responsibilities that, out of necessity,  must factor into our lives and will affect the choices available to us.  However, within that circumstance we have the opportunity to make choices every day that will either help us or hinder us—whatever area of our lives we are struggling with.

The realization for me is that I have choices every day—perhaps even millions of them—that can affect my life positively or negatively.  What a blessing that is.  I have the right to make decisions that will propel me down the path of my own life.  I get to make those choices for myself.   In large part, I determine what my life will be and I am grateful for that!

Along with that realization comes the reality that I have not always taken appropriate responsibility for making those choices.  It is up to me to weigh my options and make the very best choice possible—the one that will help me be the person I am meant to be.  I’m not just talking about big choices here either.  I think this is where I’ve gone wrong many times before.  Even the little choices matter.  What I choose to eat today (and tomorrow and the next day) may seem like insignificant choices at the time, but they become significant when the right or the wrong choice is made time after time after time.  Small choices become the equivalent of those big, life changing choices when they amass over time.

Regardless of the choice made there will be a consequence.  As it is with the choice, the consequences amass over time too.  When I consider where I am today with my health and fitness I realize, with much regret, that I am living with the consequences of poor choices.  I can look back now and see that those seemingly insignificant choices I made about what I eat, how much I move, how well I sleep, have combined to provide the circumstance I find myself in now.

The beauty of this thought process and principle is much like the beauty of the gospel.  I can change.  I can learn from my mistakes and move on.  I can start making better choices right now.  I have the right and the responsibility to start with my next meal and how much I move today and the result of good choices will provide results.  Just as the poor choices amassed to bring a result that is difficult, good choices I make from here on out will also combine to my benefit and this fills my heart with hope!

I don’t anticipate that I’ll be perfect from this point on, but I’m definitely going to be looking for those millions of little times each day where I have the opportunity to chose to make my life what I want it to be and I plan to live up to my responsibility to make the best choice possible so that I can have results that will make me healthy and happy for the rest of my life.


I’m feeling rejuvenated about my exercise and fitness.  There is just something about having a diagnosis–a for real medical explanation of why I’ve been struggling these past two years with feeling exhausted–that brings be a renewed will to press on.

At first, the thought of having Sleep Apnea just really ticked me off and was depressing.  The more I think about it, though, it is liberating.  I no longer have to live with the thought that my struggle to get up every morning was simply a product of my laziness.  It gives me great hope that once I start using the C-Pap and can get some real, quality, restful sleep I will have enough energy and clarity of mind to accomplish my goals.  I’m feeling happy about that.  YAY!

Food for Thought Friday

I’m just needing a little something extra today.  I googled for some quotes on hope and found this beauty.  Love it!

“Consult not your fears but your hopes and dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what is still possible for you to do.”  Pope John XXIII

You Pick Your Hard

Perspective!  Why is it so easy to fall back into negative ways of thinking?  I’ve been thinking a lot since my last post about how truly important it is to focus on the positive.  I saw something on facebook earlier this week that really resonated with me and I plan to use it to redirect my perspective when I see that I’m falling back into the old familiar negative patterns.  My former trainer and good friend asked the question:  “Does the thing that got you started keep you moving?” (A topic that could certainly/and may be the topic for another post).  One of his friends responded with the following:

“I heard something once about picking your hard. Its hard to be fat, its hard to lose weight and its hard to maintain. You pick your hard!”

This spoke to me.  Part of the reason that I’ve gained back the weight is that it is hard to lose weight and it is hard to maintain.  Of the three, my body is going to naturally gravitate back to the one that it is most familiar with when I quit putting mindful effort into it on a daily basis.  BEING FAT IS HARD.  But it’s a familiar hard.  LOSING WEIGHT IS HARD, and is perhaps a bit harder than being fat because it takes so much effort and requires being mindful every minute.  I’m sure that MAINTAINING WEIGHT LOSS IS HARD as well—although I don’t yet have significant experience with it.

Bottom line is—IT IS ALL HARD.  No matter what I do, no matter what I choose, I’m going to be facing something that IS HARD.  But, the CHOICE is mine.  I get to choose which hard thing I’m going to do.  No matter what I choose—it will be hard.

I choose Health.

I choose Weight Loss.

I choose Fitness.

I choose to pick myself up every single time I fail and try again, because even if I don’t I’ll be facing something hard, so why not the hard thing that will bring me the most happiness.

What will your choice be?