My thoughts today have been lingering on perspective.  Is the way I see myself how I really am?  I live alone.  I have a lot of friends who love me and an amazing family.  I spend time with them frequently, but I do spend a good deal of time alone.  And even when I’m not alone, I’m talking to myself in my head as if I were (we all do it–I’m just bravely admitting it for all to read) ;).

I spend a lot (not all, but a lot) of that time making a running list of what I don’t like–how I don’t feel well, comparing my weaknesses to other people’s strength, sometimes feeling sorry for myself, how I can improve, how I can learn from my failures (keeping the focus mainly on the failure).

Every summer, my nieces spend a long weekend with me.  We watch chick flicks and make cookies and sometimes go to a play.  We bring all of my mattresses into the living room and have a giant slumber party.  It is SO MUCH FUN!  I love spending time with those girls.  I hate to see the weekend end.  I hate to take them home.  I believe part of the reason I love it so much is that I can totally feel their unconditional love and acceptance of me.  By the end of our time together I’m giving very little thought to my weight or how I compare to Jane Doe down the street.   Their love for me and how they perceive me is reflected back at me so strongly that I become, even for a just a few days, that reflection.

This past week I spent a full day with my youngest brother and his family and then the next day my other three brothers came to help me with a project at my house (totally have before and after pictures to share in a later post–AWESOME).  My brother that lives near by brought his sons and his wife popped in from time to time.  I so enjoyed sharing some time with them.  As the weekend progressed and I interacted with them, I had the same feeling that I do when I spend time with the girls.  These people see me in such a better light than I see myself.  I believe that they rarely look at me and see a fat person.  They see their sister–a spunky, silly, smart, likeable person who wins at the gross out game, has a good sense of humor, is politically savvy, etc.–and it changes, if only for a little while, my own perception of myself.

And so what is my point?  I’m not really sure how to express it.  I’m just feeling like I want to feel like that all of the time–not just when I spend a concentrated period of time with those who know me well.  And that will mean working on that inner dialog that I have with myself every single second of every day.

So many of my supposed flaws are simply a flaw in my perspective and my perspective is something that I can change.


Posted on October 25, 2011, in Family, Goals. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Isn’t it the truth? I think we all struggle with that. We all have weaknesses, and it is just so much easier to think of those weaknesses than to celebrate our strengths. For example. I love to sing, and (if I do say so myself), I’m pretty good at it. But, I can’t cook a thing without a recipe, I’m hopeless at anything that involves art, and my home decorating skills are so nill that I haven’t had the courage to make one single significant change (such as – changing the pictures on the walls or heaven forbid, painting) in nearly 5 years.

    Obviously, I tend to focus much more on my creative and artistic weaknesses than on my musical strengths. That carries through to other areas in my life as well. You bring up a good point–change your perspective, and you get rid of many of your flaws. I think I just might be able to do some of that.

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