Here I am. After years and years of having LOSE WEIGHT and GET FIT as number the top items on my priority list I’m starting over.
I have to be honest. When I first typed the heading of this post a heavy sadness filled my chest and I just wanted to bury myself in a big vat of salty French Fries where I could either eat my way out or die happy. Um…. That won’t help.
Starting over is different from simply starting. When I first started my genuine, my-heart-is-in-this-thing-100% efforts, I was simply starting. I hadn’t exercised in a long time and started my 5-day a week, boot-camp-like Ultimate Loser Challenge at the gym with an excited naiveté that I simply can’t recreate this go around. Yes, I know I like the challenge of that intensity of exercise, but I have very vivid memories of how difficult it is that flash to the forefront of my mind when I think about going that route again. Even worse, I have a very clear remembrance of how much easier it was to do before I gained backed the hideous 81 pounds I’m now packing around. Starting over brings with it a certain element of embarrassment. This is particularly the case when I see people that I participated with in a previous weight loss challenge or run into one of the trainers I’ve worked with in the past. My gym is starting another weight loss challenge in a few weeks. Aside from the fact that it is a bit pricey, and I know (as mentioned above) how hard the challenge will be on me physically, the most dreaded possibility is having to visit with the club manager or the fitness director as they weigh me in and realize I’ll be starting at my very highest weight ever. Can I face that embarrassment? I’m just not sure I can. (Even though, I know in my heart that they won’t be too judgmental and will welcome me back with open arms.)
One of the things I think I have to implement in order to be successful this type around is to be positive. When I start looking at only the negative side of things, I want to eat. It’s been a lesson learned over time but I’m learning that I do so much better when I can focus on the positive, even if there is only a little. So, here are some positive things about starting over…yet again:
- I have learned some lessons and this will be a great time to put them in to practice and get a better outcome.
- I do know what to expect from the high intensity exercise. I won’t be surprised!
- Because of my previous failed efforts, I’ve become acquainted with people I wouldn’t have met any other way and now they are a big part of my support system. YAY!
- Because of my previous failed efforts, many of my friends and family are aware of my goals and my struggles and have shown me support that they may not if they weren’t aware.
- What is more embarrassing, starting over from this point? Or finding myself carrying around an additional 81 pounds in a few more months? START NOW!
I was at a conference over the weekend and one of the speakers said something like, “If anything is worth doing it is worth failing at.” If we wait until we can do something perfectly we will never do it and we will miss out on all of the learning opportunities it provides. So, here goes nothing…….
HEY! GUESS WHAT? I’M STARTING OVER!!! WOOT!!!!!! 🙂